Last Updated on 11/12/2024 by Rany Burstein
If you followed our advice in our previous blog, ‘How to Break the Ice & Bond with a New Roommate’, now that you have established a solid rapport with your roommate, all apartment sharing related discussions to follow can be conducted as friends rather than strangers sharing an apartment. With an eye-to-eye relationship in place, decisions can be made mutually instead of protectively, an approach that becomes particularly useful when preparing for the weightiest of all roommate discussions — the “supplies, chores and rules” talk. The phrasing used here is no accident, addressing these issues in this order is a strategic approach designed to make each successive subject easier to discuss. And rest assured, this approach serves no selfish personal agenda, it’s designed to benefit you both.
Supplies
From apartment to house to estate, all living quarters require the same basic maintenance supplies: dish and hand soap, paper towels, cleaning spray and toilet paper, for starters. Whether the two of you alternate individual purchases, or simply buy when running low and split costs at month’s end is up to you, though make sure to coordinate your approach. When it comes to costs, consider the following: no one ever uses the exact same amount of these supplies, there may even be a substantial difference in individual usage, but to keep the waters calm, it’s not worth it to nitpick — saving a $5-$10 a month isn’t worth disturbing the peace at home. Yes, cash is one of life’s biggest concerns, though an uncomfortable atmosphere at home can incur emotional costs that no amount of money will fix. This considered, if you end up spending a little extra each month to ensure your roommate relationship stays smooth, think of it as happiness insurance!
Shared Consumables
To further you and your roommate’s burgeoning partnership, try extending your supply agreement to include a basic common beverage (coffee, team creamer, even a bottle of quality whiskey or fine wine), or a cooking supply (salt, pepper, butter, olive oil, bread). In some cases, there may be no real reason to establish these shares — there could be a grocery store across the street, you may order food more than you cook, or spend more time at work than at home — but there is a certain bond that sharing consumables establishes, a sense of family even, that is hard to replicate via other means. For instance, a shared bottle of wine becomes a physical representation of mutual respect and trust, and drinking from it in a measured manner becomes a quiet reminder of you and your roommate’s shared interests. The goal is to slowly expand the sense of collective interest established during move-in, as this can prevent real arguments from ever occurring.
Chores
With a comfortable supply agreement in place (and hopefully a small consumable agreement), the chore discussion becomes a more pleasant process than simply flipping a coin to determine who cleans the toilet. Courtesy begets courtesy, so take the initiative and ask your roommate if there are any chores they really hate doing, or any that involve something they are afraid of — some people are terrified of spiders, so dusting high cabinets, under couches and in corners may get uncomfortable for them. Are there any tasks that either of your work or life schedules make it harder to perform? Do you or your roommate travel often? No one wants to feel used when it comes to chores, so how can you help each other out? Bear in mind, the entire process we’ve reviewed so far, the first-month formula for establishing a great roommate relationship, will serve you for years to come, so stay flexible. And if your budgets allows for it, you could establish an agreed frequency for a cleaning service, thus eliminating much of the tension around chores.
Rules
Finally, the house rules talk, a process that naturally arouses possessive territorial instincts. For you two however, a tangible partnership has been established, so the discussion should be coming from a place of consideration and unity. Depending on your individual jobs and routines, topics of discussion usually include quiet hours, acceptable lengths for house guest or significant other stays, and shared space coordination, like kitchen and shower usage during work-prep hours. By this point you’ve likely earned some solid respect, so don’t hesitate to express yourself and your needs. Congratulations on your new home and partnership — when friends start unloading horror stories about roommate conflicts, you’ll be able to look back and recognize the true value of your first-month sacrifices!